Things I Dislike.

Things I Dislike:

1. Picking my roommates pubic hair (and it is Pubic Hair) out of the shower drain, because frankly, it turns into a bath of someone else’s pubic remnants and my filth, for my feet.
2. Picking my roommates pubic off of the bathroom counter top.
3. My roommate’s pubic hair.
4. When my roommate does my dishes conspicuously, as if to say “The kitchen needs to be cleaned so badly, and it’s YOUR dirty dishes”. I just want to say “Listen you catholic pedophile, maybe your dishes are Immaculate (in the divine sense; in actual fact his dishes are leopard print), mine however are not. So why don’t you leave my Colorful Ikea dishes alone and go feel sexually repressed somewhere else.
5. When I come down Sunday mornings to find my Catholic roommate sweating profusely, playing Dance Dance Revolution, alone, sober and in his boxer shorts (I always check behind the couch for the alter boy).
6. Waking up at 3am on Friday morning to the washer bouncing (quite literally) because my roommate has put the 20 pound bathroom mat in there to be cleaned. I can only guess he pissed allover it, in the middle of the night. Come on man, it’s a big fuckin toilet.
7. When I’m taking a shower (having just removed the pubes from the clogged drain) to find that I have part of my catholic roommates cigar stuck (I mean really stuck) to the bottom of my foot, because he’s too fucking lazy to throw it away and just leaves it next to my plants for me to step on when I garden.
8. When my roommate doesn’t know how to change the headlight on his car. I am the most inept person when it comes to mechanics (I’m part Jewish, not bred for manual labor…particularly good with money though) and even I can change the headlight on my car. I mean, you’re 24 years old use some fucking common sense.
9. When my roommate asks to turn change the channel to an HBO show (from law and order, which I was watching) and then gets a phone call leaves for that hour, and then when I come down to watch Law and Order again he asks if he can turn it back on. Bitch, you should have thought of that before you left.
10. When my roommate is home. This may seem like a strange one, but he walks so loudly, I swear to god the first time I heard it I jumped out of my skin. He’s really tall and skinny and has a funny walk that creates so much noise, it drives me crazy. I keep checking him for signs of Parkinson’s or MS.
11. My roommates’ obsession with sports. These are two guys, one of whom graduated from an Ivy League school and the only thing on the coffee table is sports illustrated. I hate sports; I hate them with a passion. I hate baseball, basketball, football and golf (god I hate golf). Baseball is the dumbest fucking sport out there, I hate it so much.
12. Men. That’s right, I hate men. They are savages, absolute savages.
13. Women. Whores. And it’s only partially men’s fault. Perhaps there’s something to ‘original sin’.
14. People who don’t return repeated emails and then act to other people like everything is just fine and we are still talking. No, I don’t want any “regards” from a third party. I want to hear it from you.
15. Close friends and ex-girlfriends who sign emails “sincerely”. What is this, a business relationship (Divorce)? In the case of friends, it is too distant. In the case of ex-girlfriends (and some friends), I think nakedness and a prolonged sexual relationship kind of threw “sincerely” right out the door. ‘Cheers’ works well. If were close enough ‘love’ would not be inappropriate (though ‘luv’ is never OK). ‘Talk to you soon’ works well because it leaves the door open for further dialog, but without the real expectation of any. When I write Sincerely, what I really mean is ‘Sincerely go fuck yourself’.
16. Ex-girlfriends who turn into alcoholic, slutty simpletons. When did this behavior become OK? Where’s your sense of self-respect? This also applies to ex-girlfriends who start drinking heavily and/or start smoking (pot or tobacco) shortly after we break up. Did I repress you for that whole time? Was the break-up so hard that you had to start drinking? Come on, show some decency, and show some self-respect, the last thing you want is for your ex (me. Though this applies to anyone) to think is that he got the better of you.
17. People who get upset when I make fun of their significant other. No one is immune from my criticism, constructive or otherwise. Listen, if you’re not comfortable enough with that person that my comments are able to shake you. Well either you’re with the wrong person or I’m right on the money with my criticism and you should stop denying the truth.

This list is, of course, incomplete (and out dated, I love my current (and clean) roommates). It’s only a list of things that were driving me crazy at that very moment. It changes/increases hour by hour.

Mop

Its amazing, its the 21st century I can’t buy a mop- anywhere. I’ve been to Target, my local grocery store, my local hardware store. I can buy a thousand Swiffers but I cannot find a good ole’ fashion mop.

The Mall

Let me start out by saying, I hate malls. I’m not sure what it is about them, because I love shopping but every time I enter a mall I feel a profound sadness. Perhaps it is for myself and what I am about to go through. Perhaps it is for my ‘fellow man’ that are also in the mall. However, they seem to be having a lot more fun than I am. In any case, on this day, I came for shoes- and I hate shopping for shoes.

I drove two hours (its actually kind of nice knowing that the closest mall is two hours away) to get myself a nice comfy pair of business casual shoes. Perhaps a pair of ‘mocs’ or ‘clogs’.

I was happily making my way to the shoe store when this rather attractive girl called out to me from one of the kiosks. She was at such a distance that it seemed like she had something genuine to ask me. The time? The Weather? A Date? Sex?

To make a long story short, she was trying to sell me hand exfoliant and moisturizer. She did the whole demo with asking my name, washing my hands, asking what I did for a living. I told her as politely- being in a position that I hate malls and now I am stuck in one getting my hands washed- I had “absolutely no intention of purchasing the stuff.” I even tried to avoid the demo once I realized why she called me over. But I got this terribly guilty feeling. Here is this poor, 27 year old (I found out her age, after she asked me mine) foreign girl (maybe South American) just trying to make a living. It’s a shit job selling stuff from a kiosk in the mall and I figured $15 dollars wouldn’t kill me if it would make her happy.

She eventually gets around to telling me, “this stuff is normally $69.99 for exfoliant and $69.99 for the moisturizer but today I have a special deal, $39.99 each”.

What the fuck???

When did hand lotion from mall kiosks begin to cost $150?

I balked, as politely as I could and told her I was poor (about to buy a $150 pair of shoes, but poor) and that “really, I had to be going”. She stepped in front of me. “Please, I promise you’ll love it” she told me. This was now entering somewhere between sad and creepy. Finally I was able to get away by promising (and I really mean, on my knees promising) that I would come back and buy some. I now found myself in the awkward position of having to get back by her (it was a week day and the mall was quite empty) without being accosted. I actually felt real panic. How was I going to get past her? Would I just have to buy the damn cream?

I finally mapped it out that if I got onto the second floor, I would be able to walk past her and get down the stairs near my car- even though this added an addition 10 minutes inside the mall.

My plan went awry when, was just about to the mall doors,who should come in the other direction? But the lotion lady. What Now? Run? Pretend I just got this really amazing phone call?

She recognized me and immediately grabbed me and said “I had to come back and buy the cream, I promised”. I tried to pull away, but she had hold of my jacket. She began pleading, that she needed the money. This had now definitely entered the creepy stage. Was she going to hit me with a jar of hand cream? They were pretty big jars. Was this some sort of joke?

I managed to pull away and started running to my truck; terrified to look behind me for fear that I would get a bucket of exfoliant to the face.

I got to my truck, she hadn’t followed me. And in case you were wondering, Yes, I did ‘run like a girl’, arms and legs flapping everywhere. I may have even let out a little scream, maybe something as pathetic as yelp.

Here I was, having just got back from Newark, NJ dealing with multiple murders, assaults and, in one case, a mini riot and I am running for my life by some poor, 100lb girl selling hand cream in Burlington, MA.

I was never cut out for manly pursuits.

Originally Written Feb/2008

Some Thoughts on Health-Care Policy

I think the “health care problem” is more nuanced than government vs consumer driven because I think in part, consumers have driven health care in a bad direction(government hasn’t helped). A lot of this is anecdotal, as I work in the health care field and have seen it (on a micro level) across the US and in a few other countries.

From my perspective, Arnold Kling is dead right when he talks about an abundance of health care. We love it, we love doctors and more importantly, we love specialists. And so, as market forces are want to do, doctors move into specialties but instead of lowering the price of those specialties, we kept the price the same. Everyone gets rich(the fault of insurance companies and lobbying groups), except for those needing the care. To make matters worse, because we lose so many young doctors’ to specialties, sub specialties and in many cases, sub sub specialities we then see a massive deficit in general practice (your family doctor).

As a result, Universities have (again, I have no empirical evidence, only what I see with my own eyes- albeit at the top hospitals in the country) stopped teaching practical family medicine and that has lead to even family doctors not doing even the most basic procedures. As evidence, we have seen a massive rise in 911 calls within the hospital. And I’m not talking about community urgent care centers, I’m talking about world renowned pediatric and adult trauma centers. Perhaps that is a result of tort laws, malpractice is ridiculous these days (though, I have seen a lot of things that would be ripe for malpractice) and that doctors would rather shift the risk onto another provider (ie: the paramedics).

When I was in Africa, my family doctor did everything from check-ups to stitches to minor surgery. Could a specialist have done it better? Perhaps, but it would have cost me a lot more, would have wasted his or her specialties and resources on a non-complicated case and someone else who needed those recourses more than me would have gone without. Of course someone will always go without, such is the nature of economics but I would have been the least efficient option.

So, what steps in the way of lowering prices,? Well, insurance companies and lobbying groups. Sub Specialists went into the field to make money and they’ll be damned if someone tries to stop that. Nurses (one of the fiercest lobbying groups out there- yeah, who would have thought it) prevent their wages from fluctuating and more importantly stop others from moving into the market, like Paramedics (Here, I am biased, I am a paramedic.) A lot of places have been wanting to push a Paramedic to Physician Assistant bridge program, this would basically allow “doctors” (PA-C) to make house calls in an ambulance. The result, less ER resources are used, less use for nurses and doctors, more pay for paramedics (but still a massive cut when compared to the cut in ER staff). Also to be considered is that the vast majority of Paramedics, don’t want to be PA-Cs’ but many do. So when the total is tallied, ER costs ( each patient visiting the ER can expect at least a few thousand dollar bill) are way down, nurses move to other departments (avoiding losing their jobs), some Paramedics get paid more and patients save in time and costs.

Making that first impression

So i recently joined a new ambulance company in the area and had my orientation. Orientation went well, up until the end, when we all got comfortable talking to each other. As it turned out, I was the only Paramedic in the room, everyone else were basics. Fine, not a problem. Or so I thought. People had been making snide references to “para-magics” and “para-gods” all day but it didn’t bother me.

I personally have no experience in volunteer ems, I know nothing about it because where I’m from, if you volunteer, it means you can’t get a job. And as one wise medic once put it to me ” Your pay is directly to proportional to how good you are, paid paramedics and EMTs tend to be OK (if not good), volunteers tend to be terrifying”. And so very proud of being “volleys”.”Yeah, I’m a volley, I risk my life to save others for no money, but its no big deal. I’m not a hero or anything, though a lot of people think I am. I just heard on my scanner there’s an accident 8 miles away, lets go see if I can save a life”.

Here though, EVERYONE volunteers and the thing about volunteering vs paid (or career) is that ANYONE can be a volunteer. And I mean anyone. So In this spirit, as we were joking around, I mentioned how when I was in New Jersey, I was talking to a Paramedic who knew that there was a midget on the fire-department in his town. Nothing wrong with midgets of course, I just don’t want my life to depend on one in a fire. I thought this sounded like a pretty reasonable statement (as everyone was talking about how fat volunteers tend to be). Well, no, it was not okay. The girl sitting next to me (a 4′8″ volunteer) immediately turned to me and began to ask why that scared me. I would have thought it was obvious. I may only be 5′6 but I weigh around 160lb or so (…..mostly muscle…..mostly) but someone under 4′10, wearing 50lbs of bunker gear and now trying to carry out a 210lb man doesn’t sound to me like the safest plan. She disagreed and so did everyone else.

In the land where they decry political correctness as left-wing horse shit, I was being lectured on the political correctness of firefighter midgets. I mean, really. I thought if there was one thing we could all agree on its that midgets should not be expected to run into fires rescuing downed firefighters. Shooting Muslims, lynching blacks, sure. But firefighter midgets, they will not tolerate that sort of hate speech!

Everybody Poops!

Except nobody seems to buy any toilet paper.

It is now a well accepted fact that people poop (even girls) and that it is natural bodily function. Still, why is is always so damn awkward buying toilet paper? It feels like buying condoms; you are about to participate in something filthy.

When one buys condoms, they could be for tonight, tomorrow, next week or when you get back into the car with that girl you just picked up on the corner. Is is that same with TP? Could that person i see buying the toilet paper need it immediately?

Eddie Bauer Man

Let me just say, I love Eddie Bauer. It is, as one friend put it, “like a fifty year old man, who was never particularly outdoorsy to start with, trying to get in touch with nature”. And what a great lifestyle! Handsome -earthy- men (war journalists, rural doctors who help children in Africa, Bush Pilots)  and gorgeous women (they do sexy things as well) all playing the sand, on a boat, eating a romantic lunches on the beach, maybe they are at their summer home in the Andes or on some deserted island. These are the lives that mere mortals, such as myself, fantasize about.

That being said, I have had a taste of the sexy, Eddie Bauer good life. I dated a girl a few years back (a model…no really) with whom we did romantic things. We went away to her cottage (on a lake), we went canoeing, we went on nature walks, we had romantic lunches ( we did not however, go sailing, the ultimate in yuppie activities). And while the whole experience was fun (and romantic) it was not me. It could never be my life.

I was recently helping a friend move his sail boat (a very nice one) from his ex-girlfriend’s beach house (four year relationship ending badly…more like a divorce than a break up) and we talked about “the good life”. She gave him this opportunity to live this sort of fantasy life (sailing, trips to Spain, beach houses) but its not him, its not his life and will never be. Its not that he doesn’t have the money or will never have it (he is very smart and will go far in life) its just that we have have real lives. We are not 2.5 children, a dog, a cat and a Beach house type of people.

Maybe some day we may have beach houses but proper ones, on far away beaches. And not houses that are simply houses that are next to beaches. Proper beach houses with sand on the floor and rough beds. Rustic!

What am I getting at? I’m not entirely sure myself. I was just thinking when I was flipping through Eddie Bauer and moving his boat, “this is not my life and nor would I ever want it to be so”. I love the outdoors but I like the outdoors as it is meant to be appreciated, not the manufactured kind. Not the kind that you can pull out of an Eddie Bauer catalog.

Hey Sweetheart, Guess What?

Guess What?

I kind of have the Clap…and the Herpe….and the Drip. But don’t worry, I have a card to explain it all.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry,

I’m not quite sure how to say this but…..

Hillary Plays The Gays!

I know its popular in gay culture (who am I to comment on gay culture?) to support the down trodden women who rise up. Think Tammy Faye Messner (because she didn’t want to slaughter them like her husband did), Hillary Clinton (obvious), Bijork and for some reason, Madonna. But Bill and Hill have hardly been a friend of the gay community. They are opportunists. If they see there might be a gay vote (as Bill did when passing “don’t ask, don’t tell”) they will go for it. Just as he went for the bigot vote when he said in his 1996 campaign ads that he supported DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act).

Yes, I will concede that maybe the Clinton’s do believe in equal rights for homosexuals but not at the cost of losing electoral support. If she thought making out with a woman on stage would win her votes she would do it at every stump speech (I don’t think Bill would mind, he’d be too busy filming with one hand and doing something filthy with the other), just as she would likely burn a lesbian at stake if she thought it would get her the presidency.

If you think this sounds extreme, think again. But think Hillary Health-care and the genocide(or the more gentle term…”ethnic cleansing”. Makes it sound like one mass bathing of an ethnic group) of hundreds of thousands of ethnic Albanians. As was pointed out by Christopher Hitchens in a recent piece in Slate, the Clinton administration held off stopping the genocide because Hillary wanted to get her health care plan passed first. Needless to say it failed.I won’t bother mentioning Rwanda. Rwanda and Uganda and most of Central Africa is of little concern to US interests. Plus there’s a lot of Black people and we all know they are only worth 3/5 of white people, or so says the Constitution.

I have added a link from Americablog and (my favorite blog) The Daily Dish by Andrew Sullivan both of which address Hilary and the Gays. Here’s a video from her recent gay interview (ginterview?).

Check out Mianus!

There are so many great titles with this one!

The real irony is that Mianus is a suburb of Greenwich, CT!

I grabbed these from Google Images, though I did drive through Mianus. I tried to take pictures myself but my camera phone resolution wasn’t very clear.